Never Worthy Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic - and How to Escape It
When Demi Moore stepped onto the stage at the Golden Globes 2025 to accept her Best Actress award for the film The Substance, she didn't just thank her collaborators -- she shared with the audience a story about worth, belonging, and the culture of achievement that often robs us of both.
Moore spoke about once being called a "popcorn actress" -- a label that haunted her for decades. Despite achieving commercial success, that comment instilled in her a feeling that she would never be good enough.
As she said herself, the film for which she won the Golden Globe was the project that reminded her of her inner strength and worth -- something no external success can define.
When Never is Enough - Must We Really Earn Inner Contentment
The culture we live in inundates us with messages that we're never enough. No matter what we achieve -- we must always strive for more, faster, better. This way of thinking pushes us to chase the next goal, always seeking validation outside of ourselves, as if our inner contentment is something that must be earned.
The pressure to perform starts early. Children are encouraged to start writing and reading first in kindergarten, to speak languages in school, to have the best grades and awards and of course trophies -- to be the best at everything. Parents exhaust themselves trying to support them in this process, believing they are ensuring their happy future.
But what if this endless race is actually harming our children and ourselves?
According to Jennifer B. Wallace, author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic -- and How to Escape It, this culture of achievement is not only unsustainable -- it's deeply destructive. Wallace points to the rise in anxiety, depression, and burnout, not just among young people but among adults, as we try to meet these incessant expectations.
Why Do We Think We Have to Earn Our Worth?
If it's clear that the culture of achievement brings so much harm, why do we persistently nurture it?
The answer likely lies in fear -- the fear of being forgotten, left out, or not enough. This fear starts from childhood.
We often find ourselves in situations where instead of admiring our children, we demand them to amaze us. As if the mere act of living and a child's smile and word are not enough to be admired on their own.
Society teaches us that our worth is tied to what we do and achieve, not who we are. Children quickly absorb this message. Every success of theirs is rewarded with applause, while failures are often met with criticism. As a result, they grow up believing they must earn their worth.
Parents, on the other hand, often act out of love, but also out of fear. They want the best for their children, believing that achievements will bring them security and happiness. But as Wallace points out, the result is often the opposite.
The Consequences of Toxic Achievement Culture
The consequences of this culture are becoming increasingly evident. Children in highly competitive schools show alarmingly high rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm. Wallace explores in her book how children are exposed to messages that their worth depends on their performance, while parents, schools, and society are unconsciously involved in maintaining this destructive system. Probably because we ourselves don't know any better.
Adults suffer under the weight of expectations. Burnout, chronic stress, and dissatisfaction are increasingly common, as we constantly chase something that never truly fulfills us.
If Achievement Culture is So Harmful, How Do We Escape It?
Wallace proposes the concept of mattering as an alternative. Instead of focusing on achievements, we should focus on a sense of belonging and inherent worth.
1. Redefine Success
Success isn't a degree, a medal, or a promotion. Success is living in accordance with one's values, filled with joy and meaning. Wallace advises parents to redefine what success means for their family and convey that message to their children.
2. Prioritize Mental Health
Just as we plan school activities and hobbies, we need to plan time for rest and introspection. Mental health must be as important as academic success.
3. Lead by Example
Children learn by watching. If they see us constantly seeking external validation or exhausting ourselves to please others, they will do the same when they grow up. Let's show them what a balanced life looks like.
4. Celebrate Effort, Not Result
Instead of only rewarding results, praise effort. This gives children a sense that they are valuable regardless of the outcome.
5. Build Community
The culture of achievement often isolates us. By creating a community where cooperation, not competition, is encouraged, we help children develop a sense of belonging.
The Greatest Success is to Stop and Slow Down
In a world that constantly pushes us to rush -- from one meeting to another, from one mobile app to another -- the real success is to stop. Slowing down is not defeat, but a victory over a culture that makes us think that worth is measurable only by achievements. Imagine a moment when you sit down with a cup of tea, without a phone in your hand, without notifications demanding your attention. That moment is not wasting time. It's a return to yourself. Maybe you take a pen and open a journal that's been unwritten for months. You write about everything and nothing, just to feel your own thoughts -- not the thoughts imposed on you by others.
Slowing down is an act of resistance. When we stop, we face ourselves. Our own fears, insecurities, desires. And that's not easy. But that's our true worth -- not in constantly moving forward, but in daring to stop and think about where we actually want to go. In a time where multitasking is a status symbol, slowing down is an act of courage.
The Importance of Self-Forgiveness
One of the most important steps in breaking the cycle of achievement is learning to forgive ourselves. In a world that constantly pushes us towards perfection, acknowledging our weaknesses can be liberating.
Write down all your weaknesses and be sure to add a sentence that you are special and wonderful just the way you are precisely because of them. Ask yourself - maybe someone loves you especially because of those weaknesses.
Self-forgiveness means admitting that we are human -- imperfect, but worthy. It means learning to love ourselves not despite our failures, but because of them.
We Are Already Enough
Sometimes, in the desire to be everything to everyone (partners, clients, colleagues, children, family), we forget the most important thing -- we are already enough. Our best moments are not those when we have a perfectly planned day or when we have achieved some big goal. They are the moments when we hug someone so that they feel safe. When we make tea for someone close to us and sit in silence, listening to what's on their soul. Or when we smile at someone in passing, completely unexpectedly. In those moments, we are not only present -- we are needed.
Showing someone love, giving them warmth and security, is an act of true sufficiency. It's not always easy to offer a hug when our own worries are choking us, but when we do, we not only change someone's moment -- we change ourselves too. In a world where everything is measured by results, love (primarily towards oneself) and presence are immeasurable.
And what we cannot measure is often what is most valuable.
It's Time for a New Story
Demi Moore concluded her speech with the words: "I belong here." That's a feeling we all deserve. But to get there, we must put down the constant measuring of ourselves.
The culture of achievement may teach us that we're never good enough, but we can choose differently. We can choose to accept our worth, even when the world doesn't recognize it. And we can teach our children that they are not valuable because of their achievements -- but because of who they are.
Because in the end, success is not a finish line. Success is a process in which we find joy, love, and meaning, every day.
