Goddesses Never Age. Why are we still so afraid of getting older?

Why are we so afraid of aging? Why do we perceive wrinkles as a problem to be solved, and menopause as the end of a life phase? In a society that celebrates the cult of youth, women often grow up believing that their age determines their worth, attractiveness, and opportunities. But does it really have to be that way? These are exactly the questions addressed in the book Goddesses Never Age by Christiane Northrup. Instead of offering another "anti-age" guide, Northrup questions why we have started perceiving aging as a loss and whether changing our mindset can also change the way we live our own years.

When culture shapes our biology

I don't know if there is any other life phase around which so many unwritten rules are created around aging. At twenty we should be ourselves, even though at that time most of us are not even sure what "being yourself" actually means. At thirty we should "resolve" the question of children. At forty start thinking about anti-age care. After fifty we must be grateful if we are "well preserved". Somewhere along the way we learn that there are skirts that are no longer for us, hairstyles that "belong to younger women", and even dreams for which it is supposedly too late.

All these are, unfortunately, cultural patterns that mark different life phases. What is even more interesting is that these very patterns often begin to shape our biology as well.

Last month in the Materia Book Club we read a book that approaches the idea of aging from a completely different perspective. It is the book Goddesses Never Age by Christiane Northrup, which does not talk about how to stop aging, but how to change the way we think about it.

Why do we so often equate aging with loss?

The culture we live in presents youth as the peak of life, especially for women. In that picture of life, aging is almost automatically associated with the loss of beauty, attractiveness, relevance, and even opportunities. We focus on what each new year takes away from us, instead of embracing what it brings.

By avoiding conversations about aging, we often ignore the fact that years bring experience, clarity, resilience, and freedom that is hard to have in our twenties or even thirties. They bring us the ability to distinguish what we truly want from what we have been taught to want.

I will never forget the part of the autobiographical essays by Spanish writer Rosa Montero where she reflects on menopause. Instead of speaking about the cessation of menstruation as the end of one life phase, Montero writes that it was exactly then that she began to truly enjoy life. Actually, she writes about the beginning of a new life. Only then, she says, did she turn to herself and her own needs, and stopped investing energy into impressing others.

This thought opens an interesting question: if we are so afraid of aging, are we actually afraid of losing the version of ourselves we believe we must be? If we decide to view life from that perspective, do we really lose anything by aging?

There is a moment in almost every woman's life when she realizes she is no longer trying to become someone else. It does not necessarily happen on a milestone birthday, nor does it come along with a major life change. Sometimes it is just a look in the mirror where she first sees wrinkles she no longer wants to erase. Sometimes it is a decision to stop saying "one day", and sometimes it is simply fatigue from the constant effort to be everything that others expect of her. When we first decide to live according to our own rules, perhaps that is exactly when true maturity sets in.

The cult of youth is not natural

Today, it is often said that it is perfectly normal to want to look younger. The beauty industry has convinced us that aging is a problem that needs to be solved. It portrays it as an eternal struggle, almost a war. Wrinkles are the enemy, gray hair is a sign of neglect, menopause is almost a diagnosis, and countless manuals are written about perimenopause and menopause.

The fear of aging did not arise spontaneously.

It is enough to look at advertisements, social networks, or the film industry to notice how little space is left for women who age naturally. Men become "charismatic", "experienced", or "charming" with age. Women very quickly become "formerly beautiful".

Such a view does not only affect the way we observe others. Over time, we adopt it towards ourselves and begin to believe that the best version of us is left somewhere behind us.

When did we start believing that after a certain age life goes downhill?

Northrup writes that throughout life we have adopted a whole series of cultural expectations about what it means to be thirty, fifty, or seventy years old. We have internalized them so much that we no longer question them. We simply accept them as facts.

One of the most interesting thoughts in the book is that chronological age and vitality are not the same.

We all know thirty-year-olds who have given up on curiosity, play, and new beginnings. Equally, we know seventy-year-olds who travel, fall in love, start businesses, or simply radiate an energy that cannot be explained by a number on an ID card.

Northrup reminds us that the body is not programmed to deteriorate the moment we pass a certain birthday. On the contrary, it is constantly renewing itself and reacting to our lifestyle, stress levels, movement, relationships, and the beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Our thoughts are not separate from the body. They become part of its biology.

This does not mean we can beat time, but it does mean we might be underestimating how much expectations shape our experience of aging.

The biggest enemy is not time

The idea that after a certain age we must become less visible, less vocal, less ambitious, and less desirable easily grows into a fear of aging. Such thoughts over time become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then we desperately try to stop time and fall into various crises, become an easy target for marketing promises, and fight a battle that is impossible to win. We fight against ourselves and against time.

If we believe that our best days are behind us, we will stop applying for the jobs we want. We will travel less. We will take fewer risks. We will fall in love less. And all this just because we think we shouldn't do those things anymore.

Youth is not the absence of wrinkles

Youth is the ability to still be amazed by something. New people. A new hobby. A new language. Travel. A new job. Love. A new beginning.

Northrup often speaks of life force, creativity, and pleasure as sources of vitality. They will not make us immortal, but the author believes that a person begins to age when they lose the feeling that there is still something ahead of them.

Perhaps that is why it is no coincidence that the women who fascinate us the most rarely do so because they look young. They fascinate us because they look alive. The beauty that comes from within is always more powerful than the exterior, and we often call this beauty charisma.

How to change our relationship with aging? 5 ideas from the book Goddesses Never Age

According to Christiane Northrup, vitality is not a matter of age, but of the way we live and think about ourselves. These are some of the ideas woven throughout the book:

• Question your beliefs about age. How many times have you thought or said: "I am too old for that"? The author encourages us to pause and ask whether these beliefs are truly ours or if we have adopted them from our environment.

• Cultivate curiosity. Learning new skills, traveling, dancing, creative hobbies, or meeting new people maintain a sense of vitality regardless of the number of years. Northrup believes that a person starts aging when they stop being curious.

• Stop living exclusively for others. One of the main messages of the book is that maturity brings the opportunity to return to our own desires, and not just the expectations of family, partners, or society.

• Choose pleasure over exhaustion. The author frequently repeats that joy, pleasure, and a sense of fulfillment are not a luxury but an important part of health. Life should not just be a to-do list.

• Observe your body as an ally. Instead of fighting against it, Northrup invites us to listen to it. Movement, quality sleep, stress reduction, and self-care are not ways to stop aging, but to preserve energy and quality of life.